Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
