Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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