I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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