He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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