Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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