the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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