coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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