Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
please come you make the beer taste better
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
