am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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