Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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