Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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