Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
