Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
