You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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