Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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