Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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