I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
