either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
