so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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