I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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