He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
