Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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