I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
