hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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