Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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