Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
