So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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