i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
