i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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