What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize