just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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