I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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