One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His nipple licking is glorious
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