Rock
Scissors
Fuck
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
