Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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