you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize