I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
