I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we made out on top of his cat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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