You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This house was built for laser tag.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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