There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
