Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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