Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
His nipple licking is glorious
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
