Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
