I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
