So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
