I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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