If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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