Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
