we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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