she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
