Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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