I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
