It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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