Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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