dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
