So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
