I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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