well you can't waste a boner
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
