Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
