Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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