just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
