My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
