listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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