Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
