He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
