why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am available for nakedness
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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