Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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