I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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