Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
