You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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