Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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