New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
