And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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