My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Who put my cat in the fridge?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
