And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
