Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
