I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
