the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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