i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
