I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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