im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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